21.10.10

A Delicious Pizza with Burnt Crust, or, the Tale of One Girl's Homesick-ness

*sorry for the M.I.A-ness too, but you knew that already*

I'm easing out of the this month of my study abroad trip here in Germany, and I'm loving it--but, I'm also hating it. Sure, I love how the leaves are so golden right now and the fall off right as you pass under the tree. It's freaking beautiful I know. Yes, my German is getting better with each passing day and my vocabulary level is still kick-ass for as little conversation I can make. Yes, my new German friends are lovely and friendly and more than I could have imagined after 2 full weeks here in Tuebingen. And no, I haven't officially started my German language course here yet, but I'm coping until the next week. 

However, I really miss my family. Even though I had been living in San Francisco for two years prior to this trip, and my family lived in North Carolina and Missouri, I never got homesick. And I almost never saw them in person. I miss them more now. I took advantage of my frequent (although I didn't realize how frequent until arriving here) visits to my stepmom and brother who lived in Northern California. It's weird not seeing them and not having coffee with my stepmom anymore. Not going to the movies. I keep falling asleep or having technical difficulties with my computer and missing Skype dates with my stepmom. I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor (mitbewohner) hates me when I go on angry tirades, which include hitting my fist against the wall, for not waking up early enough. Sorry, still unknown roommate in room 212. 

I miss buying all the great kinds of squash and canned pumpkin and baking treats. Why Germany hasn't decided to can pumpkin or stock the right kind of pumpkin for puree yet is beyond me. It's not too popular here I guess. 

I miss my San Francisco friends and having a job. This is my first huge break from working since I was about 15, and it's not all I thought it would be. I hate it. It makes me feel lazy and leaves me with too much time on my hands. I probably watched around 10 American movies that I had been itching to watch for a while in my bedroom this week. Not cool. My schedule is very relaxed and not as cramped and horribly tiring as it was in the USA. I miss the craziness. I miss cheap avocados, hot cheetos, and hot sauce. I miss really sweet cookies and not having to imagine what the conversion rate between 2.59 Euro to USD is. I miss my American life really.

H-O-M-E-S-I-C-K-N-E-S-S

Hmph. Never did I think that I'd let it get the best of me since I've felt pretty detached from my family and everyone for that matter. Maybe it has something to do with Grandpa. The whole family is supposed to be headed down to Saint Louis to spend Thanksgiving with him, considering it could (but don't let it be true) his last. I got a sad letter from my Grandmother about his condition that I'd rather not specify into. 

Thinking of all the holidays I could possibly end of spending alone here in Germany doesn't help much either. I don't want to tag along to just anyone's holiday, I wanna be a part of my family's own. Brussels has been a major destination of mine for some time, and I think I might take myself up there for the Christmas holidays. Have a nice batch of Belgian waffles. How long do you think one person can live isolated before going crazy? I haven't have a good solid cry 'oh I miss yada yada' since I got here and don't think it will arrive. In America I felt like I had cried so much for various reasons but mostly because although I had friends I felt really alone all the time. That's not a feeling that comes round here at all, but there's no quiet comfort either yet. 

Homesick phase please pass soon! Have you ever felt a bought of homesickness? How did you conquer it? How long did it last? Would love to hear your experiences. 

1 comment:

  1. The most time I was separated from the rest of my family was for four months, so I didn't have all that much opportunity for being homesickness.

    But, and you will hear that from _every_ German expatriate, I missed the bread from back home. In my stays in both Scotland and the USA I tried to make do with local substitutes, and finally gave it up. It just wasn't the same...

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