19.9.10

The Knot

You know that feeling in the pit ofyour stomach that gets all knotted up sometimes? You feel it twisting, and you have to bend over in hopes to stop it from tightening up? You lift your head up and speak in order to alert the entire surrounding audience about your position.

"Ugh," you groan. "I'm going to be sick."


Today starts the beginning of the end of my home stay here in Horb, Germany. My last week with my host family! I'm excited and scared, which is the two blandest adjectives anyone ever chooses for leaving and growing into a new accommodation. Overzealous but also sickening. Better. Quite normally I dis-attach from things easily, but I'm having a hard time shaking these 'new-school worries.' Yes, many of the people my age at this university speak Englisch, but no, I will not be speaking it with them, and no, my conversational German hasn't encountered a 'kick' yet. Obviously this whole experience is a jolt of a difference for me but I cannot directly attribute my aches to the any of the barriers here. And my last week has actually been great. I have a new teacher whose kicking my ass with her techniques but really expanding my understanding of the German language.

These are the same jitters I got the first day of third grade when I broke down sobbing in front of the water fountain, begging my mom not to leave me.

"Mom, please!" I sobbed. "I can't go in there like this, they'll hate me. But mom!"

The tears seemed to never stop rolling. My sister and I had just transfer to a new, 'nicer' elementary school and of course I was worried about friends. And really speaking, after 2 years of the same routine, why start whining about it now? It wasn't that I had a pile of friends at my last elementary school I couldn't live without (in fact, I can remember only a couple of them now). It was a simple task to say hello and how are you. It's simple enough for me to do the same here in German.

Have you ever had a moment of regression?

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